Everytime
by miarae
Summary: [ONEPARTER]Buffy's feelings when Riley has left. Don't read if you're a Rileyhater! Songfic based on the song Everytime by Britney Spears.


**A/N**: I don't like Britney all that much but I love the song "Everytime". Listening to it I started thinking about Buffy and that this is the way I wanted her to feel after Riley left. So yeah. Another songfic.

* * *

_Notice me  
  
Take my hand  
  
Why are we  
  
Strangers when  
  
Our love is strong  
  
Why carry on without me?_  
  
The last time I saw you we were screaming at eachother. I said things I never wanted to say and you made me realize that maybe I had been doing things wrong just as you had. I tried to be so strong, tried to protect my sister and be the perfect girlfriend and help mom and in between I had to slay. I didn't have time to break down. So instead of being the perfect girlfriend I failed you. I wasn't able to show the love I felt for you. And you thought that I didn't care at all.  
  
When I saw those vampires, needing you like I needed you I broke down. I did need you. So much. I just wasn't strong enough to show you. Didn't have the feeling that I could rely on anybody because if I did I would be caught off guard. The vampires and demons would be able to hurt me by taking away the people I love if I let them come too close. And in a way they did. The vampires caused us to break up. They caused you to leave. I made you leave.  
  
_Everytime I try to fly  
  
I fall without my wings  
  
I feel so small  
  
I guess I need you baby  
  
And everytime I see you in my dreams  
  
I see your face, it's haunting me  
  
I guess I need you baby_  
  
And now I've finally realized that I am strongest when I'm with you. Now, when it's too late. Now that you're in Belize fighting evil I am fighting the demons in my head. I should have never let you go baby. Part of me wants to get you back, wants to fly to Belize and take you home. Because I need you. Because I want you. Because I love you Riley.  
  
But I can't.  
  
Because you no longer need me. Or maybe you do. But it would destroy you to come back. I know you would if I asked you to but you would be so scared that things would still be the same. I know you wouldn't be able to resist the vampires. And I know that I wouldn't be able to be what you wanted me to be. I am trying to change but it's really hard. Maybe someday I will be how you dreamt me to be, but by then you will have moved on.  
  
_I make believe  
  
That you are here  
  
It's the only way  
  
I see clear  
  
What have I done  
  
You seem to move on easy  
_  
When I'm all alone in my room I talk to you, like I am doing now. I am telling you how alone I feel without you, and sometimes I break down and cry in your imaginary arms. What I wasn't able to give you when you were here is something I find solace in now. I show you my vulnerable side because I know you were worth it and because I owe it to you. It may be too late but I still feel the need to show you that I really loved you Riley. I did even if I didn't show it. I was just too scared that you would leave.  
  
Isn't it ironic that that was the reason that you left?  
  
_I may have made it rain  
  
Please forgive me  
  
My weakness caused you pain  
  
And this song is my sorry  
_  
I knew you were hurting, but back then I didn't have time for it. There was so much on my mind...I know it's not an excuse but I was so worried. I felt like I was responsible for the whole world. By being me I forced you to go to those vampires. Because they needed you. In a way that you thought I didn't. But I did. I just never showed you.  
  
I won't be able to say sorry straight to your face. I don't even know where you are right now. Belize. That's all I know. That a chopper came and took you away from me before I could even explain. I am sorry Riley. For not being able to open up to you sooner. For making you go to those vampires. For being who I am and for being unable to change. For not being the person you wanted me to be. I am so sorry.  
  
_At night I pray  
  
That soon your face  
  
Will fade away  
_  
I hope that someday the guilt will wash away. That I will be able to forget you and move on. I know part of me will always wonder...what if? What if I had been there in time? What if we would have stayed together? Would we have been happy or would I have made you miserable in the end anyway? I know this is probably for the best, but I can't help my heart being broken, my tears falling down on my pillow at night when I see your face.  
  
_And everytime I try to fly  
  
I fall without my wings  
  
I feel so small  
  
I guess I need you baby  
  
And everytime I see you in my dreams  
  
I see your face, you're haunting me  
  
I guess I need you baby  
_  
But now it's too late. I've lost you and it hurts more than I can say. I just wanted to say goodbye before I let you go completely. I guess I've done that now.  
  
Goodbye Riley.  
  
**Review please!!!  
**  
**A/N**: Weird ending...yeah I know... 


End file.
